You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
