i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
