eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
