If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
