I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
