Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
