I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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