If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
