I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize