I want to walk on stilts...naked
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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