what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
