At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am available for nakedness
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize