Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
