No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
