My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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