I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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