Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
