and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
