i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
