You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
