found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
