its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
