do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
