Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
