So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
