can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
