my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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