I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
