my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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