yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
