my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
