I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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