Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
