Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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