i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
