i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
