i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
