please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
