im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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