You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
