i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize