I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
