tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
