Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
