Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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