Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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