She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
