i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
