Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
