I think I died a long time ago.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
