Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
