The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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