oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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