accomplished twins. life is a go
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
