people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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