With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
