It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
