So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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