Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
