I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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