Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
