Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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