So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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