Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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