fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
