i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
