The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
